It's about 12:30 AM. Four hours ago I attended a meeting at my church to discuss a decision that was made regarding the elimination of our current Sunday Youth programming. Basically - no more Sunday School if you are in 6th grade or higher. The thought/reasoning behind this was that it would be more beneficial to everyone in the congregation if we were all one body on a Sunday morning - teens included. The big problem here was that it was never really discussed with anyone before the announcement was made. (When I say anyone, I mean there was not a meeting called with the whole congregation available to give their input on said topic. Having said that, I don't particularly agree with giving the whole congregation the ability to give their input. Not everything has to be done via committee. Just my humble opinion.)
My insomnia doesn't stem from any kind of internal conflict over whether Sunday School stays or goes. I, personally, don't really care if it stays or goes. I have one teenager who refuses to go (she is super sensitive to hypocrisy, and sees it an alarming amount in that room) and an elementary-aged child that will probably never be interested in Sunday School once they stop playing games and winning candy prizes.
My insomnia does come from the myriad feelings that this meeting brought up in me. Like I said, I really won't be affected whether Youth programming stays, goes, or takes a hiatus to come back as something altogether different. That's not my issue. I guess my real problem is seeing people for what they are. And if the tone of tonight's discussion is any indication, they are afraid.
[Side note: My friend is the one who ultimately made the decision, and in so doing, riled up the natives. A good number of which seemed intent on letting him know how unhappy they were with his decision making process and ability. I, and several others, trust that his decision was not made in a vacuum, but was discussed with other members of the staff and was made after a great deal of devoted prayer. (Hebrews 13:17)]
That is why I, more than 4 hours later, can not fall asleep.
Please understand that not everyone gave off the fear vibe, some shared completely legitimate concerns and suggestions. But a good number really did seem to speak from a place of fear of one sort or another. There was worry about not being included in decisions; there was fear of change; there was fear of not connecting with one's peers anymore; there was fear of losing the programming that was put in place by the former Youth Pastor who passed away last year; there was fear of not being able to handle the task of raising children without the assistance of Sunday School teachers; and so on.
Just to be clear, I am not putting anyone down. I can totally empathize with those fears and worries. But it really struck a nerve for me - are we missing something in our faith? Are we really trusting God in everything that comes our way? That's an easy thing to say when everything that comes our way is just how we want it to be. But when push comes to shove, it seems more natural to respond from a place of fear. But will we miss out on something greater because we are afraid to let go of what's here? Do we really believe all the Sunday morning worship songs that are sung with hands raised to God? Or does all that go out the window when we face the unknown? The uncomfortable? The different?
What are we so afraid of? What if we started taking God at his word and started really living in the truth and trust that he's there and he cares for us. More than that, he lives in us. Can you imagine that? Any time at all, we have unfettered access to the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE! Surely we can think of something better to do with that knowledge than become angry and fearful of the unknown.
I am not a theologian in any sense, I am just a person who needs to work out feelings in print. I realize I haven't answered any of the questions I posed, but I needed to get them out of my head so I can get some sleep finally. Maybe tomorrow I'll start working on the answers.